Remembering My Brother on 2/14/11

I have now lost three members of my immediate family and I can say with total honesty that the specific dates of their deaths have never been any kind of emotional trigger for me.  (As a matter of fact, it has always kind of amused me that my father died on the third of September… which the Temptations unknowingly predicted in song.)  Where annual milestones were concerned, I found that I missed my loved ones the same every day, and tried to honor their memory with equal daily consistency.  To focus on any one date seemed rather arbitrary.  But Doug died on Valentine’s Day, a very high-profile date that demands acknowledgement (not a surprising exit for those who knew my brother.)

Again, however, I have to confess that Valentine’s Day was never a big deal for me.  I always felt it was artificial and commercial.  Other than the annual heartbreak I may have suffered in high school if the right boy didn’t deliver the right card/box of candy/flowers, the day has held very little significance for me; much to the relief of my husband, I’m sure.

But I do know that Doug did not feel quite the same as I did in this regard.  February 14^th is a day that purports to celebrate love, and Love was a gospel Doug preached.  He even got married on Valentine’s Day.  I’m talking about his third marriage!  If that doesn’t prove he was a romantic, then how about this:

Fading as he was, one of the last requests Doug made of me was that I go out and buy a Valentine’s Day card for him to give all the women who were taking care of him in those days.  He was having trouble remembering how to work his iPod, but he sure as hell wouldn’t forget what date was fast approaching.  One of the most gut-wrenching things I have ever had to do was deliver those cards that afternoon, after Doug was already gone.

So now I have this memory of Doug and his legacy of love, coupled with a date that is highlighted on every calendar across the country.  I find that indifference is impossible.  Thanks to Doug, Valentine’s Day will forever now have meaning for me.

Thanks to Doug, every Valentine’s Day I will remember how deeply it is possible to love somebody.